I read a quote recently that was one of those feel good, picker uppers. Usually this is 100% my forte. However this particular quote I wanted to yell at and scream “ LIAR”.
It was “be you, the world will adjust”.
The pain staking truth is the world won’t adjust when you are different or hurting – you must adjust to the world. It will not stop when you are in despair, nor will it give you grace when you are at your very last nerve.
Almost twelve years ago this day, I had no idea the day I gave birth for the first time, that this beautiful baby boy, would gift me some of the very hardest lessons of my life. I was focused on my heart exploding, that I couldn’t even dream he would ever be my greatest adjustment.
I have received some of the most judgemental and colorful “advice” over the years: “he is fine, you just spoil him”, “you over diagnosis because of what you do”, “you created this monster by giving him the world”, “if I was his mom I would ——-(insert ridgid judgement that is delivered as “help”)”. And then I have had the most support from the most unexpected sources with: “I see you”, “It’s so hard”, or they do something amazing and listen. All of which- the good, bad, and the ugly, have birthed my own adjustment into this world, and I would continue to support his.
To the outside world I may be that loud mom that has been advocating for her kid for years. People that don’t know me may wonder why I am so vocal, or such a pain in the butt. They may wonder why I don’t follow through at bringing him to appointments or activities, when I make a stink about how his individualized educational plan is written. They may think when I mention I have a son with Autism, I’m trying to get their sympathy or manipulate the system. They haven’t lived a day in my shoes but will assume they could.
The truth is when I held my baby for the first time, I could not imagine the warrior he would make me, or the level of resilience I would have to face. I had already been a social worker and a elementary school teacher, and I thought I knew Autism. I also believed then that the world would adjust.
Listen closely – seriously all the way in: You have NO clue about Autism until you LIVE Autism.
And our greatest job as parents is to reach our children the tools to maneuver through life because the world will NOT adjust. This is a daunting task for our Autistic population.
When I am laying on the floor restraining my son who is cursing me out because he didn’t get his way over some minor thing,I remind myself, I will adjust.
When I am in public and he is making loud noises, or flapping, or cursing, and the world stares. I remind myself, eventhrough embarrassment, I will adjust.
When he gets older, more aware, not getting invited to certain things, wanting things in his own terms more, and pain stakingly stands out in a group, through worry and pain, I will adjust.
And the greatest gift I can award him is to know- he will adjust to. In his own way and on his own time. The world will not adjust for him.
I imagine these moments so hard for me to persevere and come out the other side, how it is for my son whose brain doesn’t function quite the same. What it will be like for him? Who will he become? What will move him to be a resilient warrior of life too?
Although I wouldn’t have chosen this life for him twelve years ago, I can’t imagine it any other way – simply because it was God intended.
Not all things perfectly made by the almighty is easy or for the faint of heart. In fact, some of our greatest accomplishments come from our biggest adjustments.
I will adjust.
So will he.
We both have God on our side.
seekingup
Seeking Up 
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