Get Used To It Girl

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”-Anais Nin

When I was little, I was known to be the child with a keen imagination. The one singing and twirling in nature, without the humans realizing I was actually speaking to the earth. It’s a gift few have ever truly seen in me, but one I treasure as the closest inner treasures of my core.

I always revel at the moment I tell someone for the first time that I hear God audibly. They either give me the look of diagnosing me with some multiple personality disorder, say something like “oh that’s nice dear”, or they reply with “That’s amazing, tell me more”. There is never ever an in-between, its one or the other- crazy or gifted.

I like to stress that this gift isn’t always glamorous or peaceful. Actually I would say its the opposite, as it often is bold and brave in ways my human self shutters. It’s an all-knowing that is not scientifically proven or guaranteed by data collected over time. It is just an all knowing- It is God.

Recently, my crazy or gifted self, did something so incredibly embarrassing. You know the cure to these incredibly embarrassing moments in life, is for me to write about them all over the internet. Your welcome for the laugh at my expense, but I beg you to realize where my head was at. You see, while at the West Palm Beach airport coming home to Connecticut, I had to go to the bathroom before boarding. I have been to this airport a hundred times, which is very important to note. So I went to the ladies room– except as I was considering what stall to go into, a kind sir tapped me on the shoulder to let me know, this was in fact the men’s room and that I was in fact NOT a boy. Suddenly I saw what I hadn’t seen moments before, a room full of men staring at me. I also would add they weren’t staring at me like “dang she is hot for 41”, they were staring at me like, “she be crazy”. It wasn’t the time to tell the room I was listening to God, so instead I apologized and quickly found the room labeled womans. When I came out, I literally saw the area at the gate filled with men whispering to their significant others, pointing at me, and staring. I heard God say “get used this”. WHAT? Who wants to get used to a room full of judgements and ridicule.  I climbed onto the plane, plugged my ears with soul filled music, and forgot that for a moment, I identified myself as a man (does it really matter anyways?), even if for a moment.

“Get your head out of the clouds”, “Earth to Aimee”, “She is talking to her imaginary friends again”.

Can you totally see the tranquility of Jesus in the mens room? The peacefulness set on my heart in a room filled with people staring at me? Church bells chiming when the man tapped me on the shoulder to tell me gently I wasn’t a man? Yea neither did I. This is why I tell you my story. It’s a round me in a square world. My vibration is turned up high, while the human world is often frequented below the lowest level. The world doesn’t get me, because it isn’t made to. But…. BUT….by golly Jesus does. The earth does. A few gifted fellow humans do. While the rest of the world is staring, and pointing. Some, few, saying “tell me more Aimee”. I thank you for that. If you are reading this, you are most likely that type of human.

He says: “Get used to this”.

I recently heard a song so lit on fire by Jesus that it filled me with the holy spirit within a chord played, that it reminded me it didn’t matter what the world thinks.  As the song goes, “It may look like I’m surrounded, but I’m surrounded by you. This is how I fight my battles”, I remind myself it isn’t the perception of mankind I stand on, but that of Jesus. With my two feet to the ground, with my heart made of gold, with my spirit set free, with my gift to encounter the world in a different way, I’m surrounded by Him. I lead twirling to the earth, using the power of reiki, meditating , praying, constant gratitude, sharing my story, and even walking into the wrong restroom, with Jesus.

When bathed in the heaviness of life, cloth yourself with the freedom of praise. I’m grateful for the ability to learn from the embarrassment in that moment of life, because I was to busy lost in the presence of my loving God and what He is calling me to do.

I’m getting used to it. Preparing to go in, for what He, the King of my heart, is calling me for, which my friends, is no minor under taking. Buckling up for a ride I haven’t a clue where the next free fall dip, or high peak climb will be, but I am riding and ready!

 

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My Blank Canvas

Lately I am having unsettling sleep, vivid dreams that feel life like, and what I like to call “the nudge”. It keeps pushing me forward and not allowing me to consider what’s behind me. The nudge isn’t a pretty feeling or an easy one. It’s a purge and the part of the process that is painful before renewal.

What am I renewing? You may ask. Everything. Yet I haven’t a clue what. The part of me the world doesn’t get is this rhythm I dance with the universe. It’s an unspoken language, and a trust beyond measure. When the universe says “come this way”, I never ask why.

During this stage, my vibrancy is high, and I feel everything and anything around me. I soak it in like a sponge- the good, the bad, the ugly. I feel and process it in ways there aren’t words to describe giving it justice. All I know is it is part of this pruning, and that someday I will know why.

We recently went for a vacation to Disney for a week in the hot Summer sun. I’m not sure why I thought this was a good idea. For someone like me, crowds and stimulation aren’t good for my make up, never mind extreame heat. I noticed as the week went on I yearned for space alone – just me, the earth, and God. So one day while in Magic Kingdom I found myself eyeing a patch of grass put there as a “dog zone” on the way to the bathroom. While people were rushing to get in line for space mountain, I kicked off my sandals, stood on the grass, tapped my chest, closed my eyes, envisioned my deep roots from the souls of my feet into the ground, and thanked God for what I was thankful about this experience, all the while praying I wasn’t stepping in dog doo doo. A very eloquent spiritual moment to write about no?

My reasoning to tell you this story, being a spiritually gifted flaming Jesus lover isn’t always rainbows and sunshine, sometimes it’s feet baring to the ground in Dog doo. It’s your soul painfully crying out for you to adjust, while your human self tries to hush it. It’s friends scratching their heads watching you – wondering: “what’s wrong with her- she is different”. When you are like me, it’s not an easy, watch me ride my unicorn show- it’s a dirty, gritty, growth- that the world processes me for, in order to teach others to go through it too.

When we arrived home from Disney, I walked into our home interior newly painted after a decade. All of our belongings were packed away, and I had to unpack and rebirth the space. A clean renewal, which seemed so timely in how I have been feeling. A blank canvas, ready to be painted all over again. I decided to also create an outdoor nook on my deck to seek solace this Summer. My favorite part of the past few days home has been being in silence while re-creating my space. For now this is what I have control over, and I honor that.

Lifes landscape isn’t made to be flatland. We live on a shpere for god sake, nothing is ever linear, certainly not our lives (or at least they shouldn’t be). When we turn our higher self down, our souls purpose and longing, for man mades comforts, we become stagnant. Come close and listen carefully: NEVER BECOMR STAGNANT! No matter how painful it may be- keep moving and keep growing.

As I told someone near and dear to me today, the most beautiful parts of my life have come from moments like this.

My canvas is blank, and I’m about to create a masterpiece- even if I have one foot in dog sh*t and my hand in the sky praising the Lord- it will be the most beautiful thing I have ever created- I’m sure of it.

As sure as I am in the master who created ME. I started out a blank canvas – and He keeps creating and bathing me in vibrant colors. I am always His, and mindful that when He calls I follow.

The nudge is the tool at which the masterpiece will be created.

 

 

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I-Spy Jesus

I remember how my hand felt in his, and how his velvet robe brushed my heavenly skin. He looked down upon me and said the words, “There is no fear here”. The most peace I have ever felt stood in that moment. My earthly 8 year old self, hadn’t a clue who this being was, but my soul yearned to be there holding his hand. It wasn’t until years later, on earth I would learn his name: Jesus.

The field he guided me through was in vibrant colors I had never seen with my human eyes. Everything sang to him, the grass, the butterflies, the wind. It was all one, all universal, all accepting, and all loving. There was no hierarchy of beings- not of race, not of sex, not of wealth, not of religion, not of culture, not of soul. There was no space for -if you did x, y, z, -that he would love you any more than he already did, or loved the soul next to you more because they had lived a “more Christian life”. When you are in heaven, the playing field is even, and the love in abundant and sound. You are connected to everything in love.

This is exactly how I try to intentionally live my life- in abundant love. If I am going to come back to this earth, then I am going to do it right. Next time, when I get back to his hand, I am never letting go. So, living with abundant love it is, but the difference being, on earth there IS fear, and not everyone is so heavenly.

I have spent much of my life in search of heaven glimpses. Many would think this can be found in church mainly, but actually, I have seen the opposite in spaces overly marked in his honor. The holiest places I always seem to find, are the hidden gems among us. I would prefer to find him in people, places, and things that I encounter on a regular basis, that most wouldn’t seek. Like today in a bagel shop in Florida, I stood behind a very vibrant, energetic woman named Dawn. Her soul was amazing and bright. I thought to tell her this, but my human self tripped over how odd it would be to come from a stranger standing behind her in line. As my husband and I left, we turned to each other and said “wow her energy was amazing”. He had felt it too!

The best part is, this wasn’t even the only time I had a heaven glimpse today. In fact, I had my favorite one, that I literally long to do on earth, all the time. I floated in the ocean. Seems simple enough right? My daughter calls me the “master floater” because I can do it for hours on end and it weird poses. Its like yoga in the ocean! There is nothing that makes me feel more grounded, or deliever such high vibrations, than being part of its vastness. I literally feel one with the earth, which so happens to be the exact feeling I had with heaven. If you want to know what my all time favorite thing to do on this planet is- its that!

Just like that, on a simple Sunday that I never got to church, I was reminded of the hand I held in heaven, and his promises. In this simple Sunday, I saw in a soul the vibrancy that is avid in heaven, while standing in line for a bagel. I also felt the oneness in an ocean that literally binds the earth together as one.

Yesterday my heaven glimpse came to me through nature. This one comes to me often. It happens to be through cardinals. When I am about to encounter major changes, or someone close to me is pregnant, I am known to see real life cardinals in nature in an abundant amount. The day I gave my life to Christ, I had dozens and dozens in the trees in my backyard. Sometimes they literally fly into my windshield, other days they jump from bushes to bushes the entire way I am driving to work. Yesterday, I saw ten in about a five-mile stretch of road, literally sitting in the road every half mile or so. Each time we drove up to it, the bird would fly in front of the windshield. Over, and over, and over, again, they flew up. It happened so often, I asked my brother in-law to confirm I wasn’t seeing things. On my way to the airport, I was simply reminded that God is with me, that even nature sings to him, and that change is coming.

Church may be a great place for praise and worship, but when seeking for the gems of Jesus, don’t forget to look amongst your daily life. It is literally a heavenly hide and seek or I-Spy, he has developed just for you. Don’t forget to seek him and seek up! He is seeking a deeply personal relationship that begins with you grasping his hand.

 

 

 

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