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Archive for November, 2011

Tis’ The Season

As I have stated before, I do not choose to be defined by a religion but by God. I follow all religions and take with me what fits my heart and my soul. I get frustrated when people try to preach to me and others, on why their way is the only way. The only way is with God. God is in everything, including within, and if you take a moment to seek him, than guess what?–you are on the right path! Just as the saying all roads lead to Rome, all religions lead to God. Not you, nor I, have the right to speak for Him, and what is best for each being. We are all on separate paths, while still spiritually connected. Nobody is valued more or less, no way better than the other.

Some people may read this and think it sounds anti-religion, and I beg you for the moment to think outside of the box. I am not against what one chooses to follow, I am against what one does in judgement and in ego to forcibly make others do as they do. I actually love religion as an entirety but dislike the large pockets of it that misses its main focus on God. That is why, for me and only me, I choose to define myself as all of them, since being an active seeker includes being a constant seeker and learner. At the end of the day, and everyday, I define myself as a lover of God.

Tis’ the Season to be God centered isn’t it?

I love Christmas time. It is the one time in the year that is perfectly acceptable to write Christ on a card and not be considered a bible beater. It is the one time all Christians everywhere are all rejoicing in His birth and not comparing each others version of being a good Christian looks like. My personal favorite, is the Christmas music. Personally I have been listening to a favorite of mine way before Thanksgiving even came, but that is because a month is just not long enough to hear such glory, love, and praise.

The Christmas state of mind needs to be a year-long one. We need to listen to the essence of a deep loving Christmas tune all year-long. We need to focus on why we celebrate Christmas and less on our lists of gifts. We need to give to those in need who are suffering not only when it is a child who won’t get any toys for Christmas, or a family who doesn’t have the means to make a holiday dinner, but through out whenever we can do so. With this being said–I love this season.

This past weekend I went here and was a bit taken back. I had only visited as a young child and hadn’t remembered its glory. It is located literally within a half-hour from where I grew up, and now is a hidden gem to me. It is certainly a place I plan to make a tradition with my kids, as it is what the Christmas season should be focused on the most: Christ centered. If you happen to live in the North East and haven’t seen this place, YOU MUST–regardless of religions it is breath-taking.

I hope the start of the season is bringing you joy, and God’s love. May what ever path your choose spiritually lift you up in this joy rising time of the year. May it also follow you through out the year to come.

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The concept of Thanksgiving is so rich in history, and every day morale that I have always adored its arrival. Although I enjoy the food as well, I sort of get sad when I hear people say it is their number one reason they love this particular holiday. I always thought it was the concept of togetherness and the history of our lives here on this area of the earth. I also always assumed it was a day set in stone that you were forced to reflect on what you are grateful for, especially if you hadn’t done so in a years time.

I have a Thanksgiving sign in my home that reads “Be Thankful”. I sort of wish it wasn’t in a shape of a pumpkin and I could hang it all year-long because it is a sign all of us should continue to re-read. You can never be thankful enough.

I was reflecting on what being thankful actually means when I read about the 55th Facebook status saying things like “I am thankful for my family, that awesome casserole aunt Susie makes on this holiday, and flip-flops” (give or take a few things of course). We all can make a list of things verbally that we are grateful for, but are we BEING thankful?

Being thankful involves your whole being. It includes your loving heart, and your ability to express it. Being thankful isn’t only about a list, it is about action. It can be holding someone you love and telling them how special they are. It can be donating food items to those in need. It can be being mindful in a moment you often take for granted and thanking God for it.

Being thankful isn’t a way to be on Thanksgiving, it is a way to choose to live your life. It is the prayer you say daily to God thanking him for all he has given you. It is representing yourself the best you can, and being humble. It is the choice to always have a bleeding heart instead of a stone one.

The world is full of color when you live it in a positive grateful matter. If I were to write a Facebook list of all the things I am grateful for my status would be infinite. It just can not start with family and end with flip-flops. Too many blessings, and just a day is not enough.

While you are feasting tomorrow on all the wonderful things that taste so good, make sure to take time to reflect on the abundance of things that make life so good. No matter where you, who you are, there is always something to be grateful for. There is also someone who is thankful for you. Most of all thank God. There would be no feast to indulge in, nor a list to make without Him.

I am thankful for my experience as a kid that brought me to this space. The fact that I can openly express it, and help others is nothing less than awesome. I hope that you will stick around and continue on this journey with me. I no longer have to be alone in faith. I am so grateful to be free and be fully me. I am grateful to be able to write Seeking Up and for you, the readers. And most of all, today, and everyday, I thank you God. Your love is endless. Your light always with me.

Be Thankful. Thank God.

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Reasons & Choices

At any given day people are dying, being birthed, fighting illness, irritated their coffee was made the wrong way, finding a great sale, winning something, heart-broken, addicted, or doing the same daily grind they did the day before just with new pants on. Everyone’s journey running down different paths daily, but leading to the same road. All life leads to an end. All life was made for a purpose.

I am not a huge fan of the line “all things happen for a reason”, because sometimes they are not done for a reason but from a choice. I do believe most things happen for a reason, but having the ability of choice sort of takes away the validity of that blanket statement. Sometimes you choose a crap day over your coffee being made wrong, or you choose a great one by choosing to go outside and in the sun. Either way things happen in a domino affect all because of the energy you decided to bring to the table today.

Luckily nobody was near me yesterday because I chose to sit in my sorrow. Alone, I sulked thinking about how I can not eat, talk, swallow, or breathe correctly. I had surgery the other day (tonsils out), and I was feeling heavily hit with the poor me syndrome. This is ok. I am human. For so reason my expectations of myself in my recovery path exceeded my ability to physically do it. My frustration was more about me not being in control, and less about pain.

Today I woke up with more hope. I can talk a little muppet like, and eat a few things, but I am still lacking taste buds, the ability to enjoy food (everything tastes horrible to me), and swallowing is still an art of conscious thinking for me, not inherent. Sure the 5 lb. weight loss in the 3 days helped drown out the “poor Aimee can’t eat”, but when you love food like I do, it is like watching someone you love walk out of your life temporarily. As I tried sipping a frappachino from my prized franchise that I am devoted to and adore, I wanted to rally for the love to please walk back in my life soon (frappachino into trash).

Life goes on. I didn’t know it could without food. I started to think about all the other things I fill my life up with. Objects, things, places, that I assume I could not live a moment without. The truth of the matter is I CAN! because a. I can choose to , and b. somethings happen for a reason (in this case I lost my taste buds and the ability to use my tongue correctly in order to get rid of a nasty golf-call sized tonsil that could’ve been cancerous).

I am not sure if you can understand how big this revelation is for me. If you know me, you know my love for food runs deep. After experiencing this for a few days I have realized my love of food is not what feeds my soul, or makes me who I am, and it is a mere smidge of what I am (in particular my size pants). I suddenly realized, like anything, I can overcome it.

I am still not psyched about the discomfort I have had the past few days, or the inability to use my mouth the way I would like. Really–(I would have rather had a c-section)–you have no idea what it isĀ like to lose you ability to use your mouth, but, as there always is, there was a greater lesson for a better me.

I am tonsil free. I am also free of the emotional hold I had on food. Food: I still love you, I am sure I will show it when you walk through that door again, but this time I will choose you, instead of making the vital mistake of assuming you are a life line.

See that… a tonsillectomy has made me a better me; for a reason, and for further choices I will freely, and open heartedly make about my own life.

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The Edit

In my attempts to write a blog post filled with key points to my story that was edited out of the show, it was suddenly deleted into cyberspace. Bits and pieces of it can be found throughout this blog already, but I wanted to provide you with somewhat of an outline.

My first confession to my truth happened when I met Sylvia Browne in 2010! I wrote about it on my main blog which you can read HERE.

The other key elements I wish they has included was the question I was left with which was “what have you done for your fellow-man?”. This question I believe is the soul lesson from my experience, and the reason I lived. I have built my life around it. All career choices, and how I choose to be as a person is related to that question.

Over all I was pleased with the BIO’s interpretation of my story. They treated me well, and kept it very personal. I also realize it is tv after all, and that not everything can be included. After watching my own story it made me realize there is more to every story featured, they can only do so much in so much time. I am very thankful for the experience and the outcome.

My hopes to come is that my experience will help others. That lessons I have learned from this experience can impact others in a positive way.

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Connected

For a moment there I could barely breathe never mind find words to say. I am overwhelmed and blessed by the outpour of love I have received by not only people I have known along this journey, but also people I never met. I am grateful, truly grateful.

So much of me wants to respond to every single sweet e-mail, and comment made. I wish I could comfort all the people reaching out to me that are grieving or struggling in their own search for God. For the past few days I have had to literally remind myself that I am only one person. I also had to focus on what my priorities are. I can easily get swept up in helping others, and I need to remind myself I still have my own journey to nurture and then I can nurture others.

I am not sure what is to come. I know this for sure; that show was meant not only to own my own truth, but to help others. It is completely humbling and wonderful to see that it has done both of those intentions.

While I sit figuring out what is God intended for me to do with this all now, I decided to create an e-mail address so there is a more private forum for those of you who need it. I wish I could guarantee my full attention to every person, but I just can’t. You do, however, have my word that I will try. My new e-mail address is: seekingupblog@yahoo.com

After reading so much the past few days, and being so “plugged in” I have realized that I need to make sure to “unplug” more often. I am not sure how often I will be able to read and respond, but I will. In the meantime, I hope this blog fills you up with some slivers of goodness, and that you “friend” Seeking Up on Facebook where I try to relay a daily positive focus to uplift life.

I also want to state publicly that I, like you, continue to be a seeker. I do not hold all the answers. I am no closer to God because I died and returned, I am just more confident in Him. I am walking the same journey as you, just in a different manner. I am not a saint. I am not always kind, without fault, or always positive. My face on tv doesn’t give me bragging rights, nor does a near-death experience make me better than anyone else.

What I do know is that my experience is unlike most people’s journeys. That I was blessed with an incredible experience in order to help others. I understand the curiosity, and the need for closure or a “how to” to God. I get it. I welcome it. I am a real person trying to do my best.

One of the major things that the BIO channel left out was the theme to my life that was asked of me at the tender age of 8. When I was being sent back and asked “What have you done for your fellow-man?”. I can now list a long detailed list that never ends. For that I am foreverĀ grateful. And for that… I will return as many e-mails as I possibly can.

***Stay tuned. Many of you inquired about what was left out of my story on tv! I will be featuring a blog post with more details soon!***

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The Day After

I couldn’t be more blessed.

I shared my story. I received and continue to receive and abundance of love. I no longer hold such a huge secret. And at the end of each day I live on this earth, I know whats to come and that I am loved (as are you) by God.

I am taking it all in. The show itself was what I anticipated. It was done well, and edited as expected. However, I was sad to see some of the key components to my story didn’t make it in, and some over dramatization was added in. I guess that makes it made for tv right? Luckily I have this site to tell all the in’s and out’s of my story. I also had a really good local write-up about me that if you haven’t seen-you should! The two points I wish they had included the most was more details relating to the moments I was in the ambulance (they are my most vivid), and the message of “What have you done for man kind?” that resonates with my soul always. Regardless of the fact it might not have delivered all that I wished it had, I will be forever grateful for being part of such an amazing show.

I am not sure where I am going from here. The next steps are unknown. I woke up sick to my stomach wondering what the universe will give to me next. Luckily it has been a TON of wonderful comments, e-mails, and thoughts. My only intention (besides setting myself free), was to tell this story in hopes it will help others. I truly believe this has already happened.

I do not mind talking about my experience privately. However, I have realized not everyone who has lost someone is open to it. I have already had my inbox filled with “Can you write ____ and tell them your story–it will help them”. The truth is ____ might not be ready to hear what I have to say. When _____ asks –I will answer. Nobody enjoys unsolicited advice, and I am thinking advice about God is even more of a no-no.

While seeing myself on national tv sparked my ego for a moment, I humble myself when reminding myself why I was there. I am no more important than you are for having this experience. I am not loved by God anymore, or perfect. I certainly don’t have all the answers, and I am HUMAN. I have faults, I have sinned, I am just like you. Please don’t mix up my experience as me being more God-loving or knowing then you. It just isn’t true. He is in your heart, as He is in mine.

I am no different then the person I was the day before yesterday. No different then the person I was years ago. I am a child of God. A lover of people. A giver to mankind. All out of my awareness to be God centered.

You are just as blessed, you just have to take the time to look.

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