Man people get pissed off when you choose joy in 2020. I know I was one of them. The term misery loves company became a country for a while. I have vowed to the Lord, I would intercede on this and pray for this to break. We don’t need misery, we need JOY.
It was hard to tell but I was barely holding on. Not only because of my own fear and isolation, but everyone elses. It happens when you are a feeler of all things. The north had gifted so many wonderful things to me, a quarantine wasn’t one of them. People felt so heavy filling themselves with so much fear and rage. I became that and was sinking. Down, down, down, I retreated into the dark places of me. I retreated to the places I saw in others. The places where we could no longer dare to look eye to eye in the grocery store, because perhaps showing joy meant I was also not afraid. Perhaps I could contract this virus by even acknowledging life outside of me.
Moving south saved me for many reasons. One being I never knew how much my being needed light. For the entire month of March 2020 shut in up north, it was cold, rainy, dark, with no light. Another, being my need to soak my crying aching bones in water for long periods of time, and plant my feet in sand to remind myself who I belong too. Certainly I do not belong to people, but to the almighty one. A reminder I continue to need over and over again during this very trying, very divided, time in history.
Even though the media portrayed my new home as being careless and contaminated, it was the safest place I had felt to date. People looked into each other eyes with joy and said good morning. There are masks and distancing, but there isn’t deep rooted fear and rage or judgement of others not willing to live like that. There was just peace. The energy of the space helped me to breathe, and I no longer felt like I hanging on day by day. I was no longer afraid to live.
My perspective from North to South changed in an instant. I can never have this day back, and if I am gifted tomorrow, I should be treating it as such: A GIFT. Do I want to live it inside four walls miserable, anxious, pissed off at others living their lives, afraid, and seeping-dripping in only social media energy and “facts”? For a time I had to. It was essential for all of us. But then, it wasn’t, and while most of the country stood still worried to exit, my bold new state opened with caution.
I found this to be a continued reflection of my spirit. I have always been a go against the grain girl. I love that I live in a state that boldly says we will choose light over darkness. Admittedly, when we were on strict lock down in Connecticut, I had to leave and get coffee daily. Yes I love caffeine, but more so for my mental health because I was legit falling away. Many who knew scolded me. They said I was doing it wrong. But what they couldn’t see was it was that, or lose me completely.
That doesn’t mean I wasn’t out of my mind crazy scared sending my three kids back to school full time. I was. We all were. I didn’t know one single parent that didn’t think the virus was not something to worry about. However, we all collectively choose to arm our kids with masks and sanitizers, and go live life. This in no ways means I didn’t understand or have compassion for families that choose differently than me. Frankly, my kids had lost a great amount of who they are by being shut in for to many months. More than academics, I wanted them to live the life God intended for them. For me, this meant to seek connection with real people, not water downed superficial connection on the internet and to experience different environments that breathed light into their lives. Its been over a month, and I am so happy to report our very large school district has had very few cases. I pray it continues as such, as our kids are thriving with old routines of in person school, with new routines of caution (masks and distance).
I certainly feel like as a family we have been blessed to be thriving in joy while our country is not. This goes well beyond a pandemic, it goes in to a spiritual war of who holds your heart? Light or dark? It isn’t 2020 that has served you bad food for thought, it is the enemy. The one that wants you to be full of rage on the internet everyday. The one that wants you to cut all your family and friends out. The one who wants you to judge someone like me that refuses to not choose JOY. The one who wants you to despise the person that doesn’t vote or think like you. The one that helps you make assumptions/ labels/judgements against whole groups of people that may or may not think like you, while you may continually think you are posting about peace, love, and inclusion (inclusion includes everyone- not just the certain groups you stand with). The one who loves isolation and the use of technology over all else. The one who saw my post on Facebook asking for people to post blessings of 2020 to change the vibe and knew nobody would bite. The one who wants you to detach from actual real connection, and seek false ones. The one who had me for awhile, convincing me God had left us. The one who fought me when I tried to get out of bed everyday. The one who kept trying to convince me I should do what the masses do. We aren’t divided by politics, they are forever changing and will forever change, it is a facade of you against them. We are divided by who and what we let into our hearts on a universal cosmic level. It is spirit to spirit not man to man.
The promise of God includes He will never change, and will always rule. This is how I am able to choose Joy no matter the president of this country I love. I don’t fit in either side, nor do I want to. Because the only side I will forever belong to is Jesus. I will cling to the heaven I have been too. I pray for it to come down and take hold of all the hearts suffering from the persuasion of the enemy. I pray for unity. I pray for all to seek each others spirit in remembering humans aren’t the enemy- the enemy IS the enemy. Be vigilant in not letting him in no matter what he promises.
God is good ALL the time. Even in 2020. You may not see it. You may not feel it. You may be wondering where is this God I have believed in gone? He is right beside you, wanting and waiting for you to give up the heaviness in your heart to Him and choose Joy. I eat Joy for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I also count ALL my blessing of 2020. CHOOSE to count the blessings not the hardships.
I will love you. Every single one of you. Every day. Not just today or November 3, every day. No matter what you may want to say about me. No matter if you deem me worthy in keeping me in your life. Because we belong to each other. And more importantly all of us belong to Him.
seekingup
Seeking Up 
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