Archive for June, 2013

No Longer 1/2 Full

You know the old saying “Do you see the glass 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?”, I have been seeing this in a different perspective lately.

A few years ago I would have told you  I was completely filled up with God’s love and intention. I would have declared my devotion, and told you there was no more that I could do to seek Him. A few years ago I would have ridden on my ego’s coat tails saying, “Who can tell me about Jesus on the earth when I went to Heaven myself!”! A few years ago, just before my show aired, I was alone bound with my story afraid nobody would care to listen. The lie that was whispering in my ear was that nobody would understand, I would never be accepted, and that my story was unworthy of God’s praise.

I read a book. Now I have read many, many a near-death experience story before this particular one. I to had been a skeptic of some of them. However, this book struck my core. It was from a child’s perspective, had many of the same ideas as my own experience, and was Christian told. I say this because all to often, when you say “near-death”, you are suddenly a mystic. Suddenly, your story is placed in a section of the bookstore representing you in a way that makes you look like you are going to read tarot cards and a crystal ball. This was an issue for me. For as much as I struggled with the word psychic for many years, I knew something–I DID not want to be known a mystic, I wanted to be known as a Christian. This book was written as such.

Have you read it? Heaven Is For Real. http://www.heavenisforreal.net

Fast forward to now and I think of God’s sense of humor. The signs he constantly sends as a reminder that He is in fact there and in charge.

Its only been a month since I truly became a Christian. And my glass that I thought was once filled to the brim, was really just filled and has room to grow. For the years I walked into a church asking “God is this where you want me to be? Is this who I am?”, I felt nothing and moved on. I shuffle back to my own four walls thinking their isn’t a place for me. Who dies and comes back to life? WHO? Surely I didn’t know anyone. Then I found my current church, and guess who was there speaking tonight? Yes. You guessed it. The author of Heaven Is For Real. Sure the author and his family came for a variety of reasons that didn’t have to do with me, but I tell you– I was part of it.

I had the chance to thank the boys Mom for producing this book that help free me of my own story. I had the chance to say to the young boy “Hey I went to Heaven too. Your book helped me to tell my story after holding it in for 30 years”. I met someone who DIED and came back to life at my new church! I met someone who got it.

I should mention the true intention of their appearance was to help in the healing of our community post 12/14. They literally came not for promotion but for healing and sharing  God’s light.

This week has been a whirlwind for me. As this was not the only “sign” God has given me. Recently I had prayed for answers involving finances and finding a job that meant something. This week I was literally handed one. A job that not only included God IN it, but also gave me the ability to have two out of three of my kids in the building while I worked. A day before this job was offered to me, I was anxious over the idea of going back to work and what I would do with my little baby. Mom guilt gets all of us mothers in the gut. My son, Bennett, the one with the name meaning “Little Blessed One”, will be at my job in a daycare called “Little Blessings”–Hello Lord I am listening!

This chick. The one that thought nobody could tell me how to believe and love Jesus. The one who thought I would live a lifetime misunderstood and silent about my personal experience, is about to be a Christian teacher. A Christian teacher that was seen for her faith, and cup spilling over and everywhere, who is being called to give it all I got. I mean who gets offered a job from God and says no right?

I always had faith. I always had love. I just didn’t know I didn’t have to have it alone.

So I am beaming it. Instead of always asking for the holy light to surround me, I can literally feel it IN me.

We aren’t meant to do it alone. And if we listen carefully enough, the answers are all there-we just need to take them.


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