Archive for January, 2013

The Gifts Of God

I walked this earth closed up for some time. It was a mechanism to shield myself. A way, perhaps, to ensure that nobody could take away from me what I knew.

My road has differed from many. I have walked it with one foot here and one foot “there”. After experiencing the after life, it is almost impossible to walk souly here, and nor should you. The blessed experience touched by the most holy of holy, should never be underestimated and should be carried through life as nothing but the most precious gift ever given to you.

I was given this gift.

I love the gift. I treasure the gift. I kept the gift secret for years. And now I am holding it up to the light, looking at it, and wondering “Lord, what do I do with this to help you?”.

“What have you done for you fellow-man?”
Oh yes. The words spoken to me while I was in Heaven as a first grader. The words that sent me back on the earth. The words that are clearly the reason I am still here. Obviously I have not done enough, nor have I finished what is intended of me.

I am sure with all of my being that part of this mission and this quest to carry on, is about the gift. It doesn’t seem conducive to stand at the corner with a sandwich board that states “Ask me about Heaven I know”. I might just get more offers to seek out mental health. I also don’t want to pry into people’s lives who sit in grief and assume my story will heal all. I barely have the natural words to speak of the experience as it has lived in my heart and head for over thirty years. What continues to feel natural and seeps into the head and hearts of others is this: written word.

For the truth is I am not a speaker but a writer. Words sort of fall out of my finger tips in the right spaces. People often have asked me where they have come from– the simple answer is it part of God’s gift to me. As when I was in Heaven there was no spoken word. Everything was telepathic and felt with raw emotion of the soul. For me communicating through spoken word ever since has been like learning a new language. I will never get it. I do my best at it, but it is something I will never do in an elegant fashion. I feel so much more than words could ever be spoken. My hugs mean more than my spoken words, and my written words often transcend as a big ol’ hug.

So while I have been digging for the answer of what I have done for my fellow-man, I can happily admit it happens to be a lot of nice, kind, loving, gestures over the years. However, in the thick of what I am supposed to do, I truly believe it is mixed in with this.

I am currently reading Proof Of Heaven by Dr Eben Alexander. This is one of two books on near death experiences people I love gave to me for Christmas without me asking for them. This particular book keeps speaking to me in many ways. One that happens to warm my heart, is I remember Eben on I Survived Beyond And Back. He is in the same “club” as me. Trying to make use of his gift to help others.

While I have been sitting in deep, almost palpable grief in the past month, I have also found great comfort and solace in my own experience. I keep returning to it, as it is the only thing that makes sense of a situation that makes no sense in this world.

I have yet to find the true purpose God intended me to fulfill with this gift, but as I move on I just hope I do it with grace. I hope I touch people’s lives, and that I move them closer to God. I pray I am a better person with every day that passes, and that the person that was once closed to the world is open far stretched to let everyone in. I once believe my heart was not big enough to fill with a lot of people, and then I realized the concept of love is endless–the heart has no boundaries even if physically it looks like it does.

Since waking up, and opening up, I have met some incredible people. People I can tell will be my friends forever. People I know God placed for a reason. I also realized that the energy you put into the world is what you get out.

Today ask yourself “What have I done for my fellow-man?”. For what I believe is this is why we are all here. Once the mission is complete we are blessed to go to the next level. May you find your mission, and may your loved ones you have lost ¬†along the way be dancing in the lush green meadows of Heaven thankful they have completed theirs.

God has gifted us all in many ways. It is our job to unwrap it and praise Him for it.


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Love Wins In 2013

My grand finale of 2012 ended with unexpected darkness that I struggled to fight through back to light. It felt like a heavy blanket of gloom that covered every inch of our community, and sadly even thicker and more dark for the community next door. Many dear friends messaged me through Facebook about reaching out and sharing my near-death experience as a way to help heal others. The truth is I could barely keep myself from feeling the heavy weight of it all while trying to make sense of something that took all of my security and hope away. I was afraid of my own shadow. I nearly committed to homeschooling, and I tried so desperately to get a goodnight sleep without thinking of those babies and their families mourning them just miles away. My experience didn’t have its place in this massacre but my prayers did. I didn’t want to reach out and making it about me and my story, but wanted the town to feel my love, my grief, for them souly.

Since, I have put a few things in motion to help long-term when the world turns away and stops donating and sending all their prayers this way. This, I believe, is the time I feel I could help. I want those neighbors of mine–regardless of who or where they were that day–to feel my love from every angle for the rest of their lives because it will take a life time of healing, not a media moment.

I start this post out with the gloom of 2012 to say that 2013 can be a movement. Random Acts of Kindness for 26 people is wonderful–but I wonder what it would be like if we just lived our lives doing that always. If a random act of kindness just developed without thinking to do so, like breathing. The need to post or blog about such wonderous things weren’t needed because it became who you are for only God to see.

What is 2013 brought families together, and friends who never seem to be able to make time for one another. What if new friendships were being made not by convenience but because of love.

You may be waiting for a video posting of me singing koom-by-ya, I get it sounds nieve. However, with so much evil in the world being splashed across our tv screens, and we continue to believe in it, why not try to believe in the goodness of others instead.

None of us are born perfect. I have flaws that are less than gleamingly loving. But while thinking of New Years resolutions and what just happened in my sweet sleepy part of this beautiful New England state I got to thinking about those parents who just got their kids backpacks with uneaten lunches from FBI agents this past week. If I gain 100lbs in the next year it won’t matter on my death-bed, nor will it matter if I will 100 million in the lottery. What WILL matter, and what I was asked when I died as a child is what difference had I made on this earth? Have I loved and been loved. Is God proud of the person I promised to be in this life. And so I committed to 2013 as the year I take careful consideration of the person I am and if this is who I am supposed to be.

I’m going to love on this world even when it tells me not to. I’m going to set aside my ego and say things that are hard. I’m going to make time for those that matter, and make time for those who matter in the future. I’m going to try to be conscience of what God intended of me. I may just even sing koom-by-ya my friends.

Why? because where I went when I died LOVE ALWAYS WON. The souls I met over there loved me like I was their own child. Everyone–just LOVED. I need to try to make this happen here. I need to love more. Because even here… where evil lurks and waits for someone to find darkness, LOVE ALWAYS WINS.

May 2013 be the years that makes the world sing as one.

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