Rapidly Letting Go And Letting God

A decade ago I was sitting on this same beach in Aruba, reading a book that changed me in an epic way.

It wasn’t that it was my story at the time, but it was where I learned someone else’s words could speak  life into another. It could breathe braveness, awareness, freedom of our darkest secrets. It could dare to change a life. It is where I decided to be a writer.

This gift of words I read on this beach, broke me to tears. Not for Elizabeth Gilbert’s divorce, or her journey to seek what was holy to her, or her glorious Italian meals, but for the pain in which she dropped her own blood into these words, along with the soaked in tears of joy. Eat, Pray, Love was my book of transformation.

Awakenings of any kind are hard. Once they come, it is impossible to stuff them back into the dark. Each and every day it wakes you up saying “remember me? I am still here. What are you going to do with me today? If nothing- guess who is waking you tomorrow?”.

We desperately try to ignore them because it means change. Change means walking out of comfort and into unknowns. People will absolutely revolt against it. Even the most coveted people you hold in your heart.

“How could you?” They will say. “I could never be that selfish.” They will say to others. “Who does SHE think she is.” They will think in their head while smiling in your face.

You will feel desperate to find those truly saying “good for you” and not walking away thinking you are absolutely mad. When you find them, it will be those brave ones that are also willing to be uncomfortable.

The truth is those who speak ill of your growth, are those who are afraid to be woken. So let them sleep. Even if your heart holds them so dear. It has zero to do about you and your becoming, and everything to do about their stagnant stance and inability to move.

You go.

You turn to the sun and keep growing.

You don’t apologize ever for choosing you.

And don’t you dare make yourself smaller then who you have called to be.

And ALWAYS find the brave ones in the bunch. Even if it’s through written words.

It’s ok to leave a job that promises retirement, but no longer serves your soul. It’s ok to take a chance on something you always dreamed of doing without a steady income or benefits. It’s ok to end friendships that no longer feel like you. It’s ok to stand in what you KNOW is your truth even when people in your church say it isn’t right. I know this because I have done all of this in the past six months.

No matter the story line- career, relationships/friendships, family, moving/travel, identity, spirituality, confidence, abuse, trauma, seeking voice…you ALWAYS have a right to choose you.

The reason the book jolted me then, was because I knew in my greatest most hidden core, I had a journey ahead of me that was daring like hers.

At 42, mine has only begun to grow wildly. Much like this Divi tree in the picture, my roots started like everyone else. Then suddenly – I went against the grain and found my own sunshine to grow in.

I bloom at my own pace, in my own time, in my own way.

Between each bloom, I honor the pain and the suffering that choosing brave causes. I know for a fact that is what delivers the greatest joys.

Trembling, I hear the sound of my own voice, owning where I am going. Speaking what’s on my heart.

Radical.

I walk forward in faith instead of fear.

Wishing all of those stagnant, to find the hidden piece inside them that will catapult them into daring who they are meant to be.

Truth: we were never meant to stay the same. We are meant to evolve. Do not die a sprout when you are meant to be a diverse forest.

Not a perfect tree growing up right to the sky, but a winding, twisted, one that constantly seeks the sun.

Be still in prayer.

Move rapidly in all the answers that were given to you when being still.

Instead of buying the “be brave” T-shirt – dare to let go and let God.

Letting go and letting God actually means you have to LET GO.

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