Giving Back

Seeking God authentically is not by judging others by religion, race, or sexual preferences. It is digging deep and seeing people from soul to soul. Naturally as humans we are flawed and pass judgement, but it is the lessons we can learn from those mistakes that are important. God loves all souls and sees nobody as “less”. It doesn’t matter who you are per say but what you are. It is the “what have you done for man kind” that matters. He is within all of us, it just sometimes takes some digging.

I am hoping to use examples of this on this blog that I have experienced in my life. Moments that I knew were purposely God-given and orchestrated. People I have met and knew our souls were forever connected. Places I have felt such roots to that I knew met more than just “pretty” or “historic”.

On my 21st birthday I was walking around Boston alone looking at the beautiful night sky. There are so many things I could have been doing that day, but I purposely spent it alone. I did this often. Often my fellow college students found it odd that I actually WANTED to be alone. However, I wasn’t alone. I was having my time to pray. With no surprise I found myself in front of Trinity Church in downtown Boston.
After finding some stillness, and being thankful, I decided to move on to a place a little less spiritual, Burger King.

I had a feeling while sitting at the church that I was meant to cross paths with someone that night. That I was meant to “give back” in some way. Although I was a college student turning 21 and would later celebrate it as such, I was a God-loving soul first.

Outside of Burger King I decided to celebrate my birthday like any poor college would do with their birthday money–with a Whooper! I noticed a homeless lady sitting near the door asking for change with an old cleaned out bottle of detergent. I passed her by, and pretended to not hear her.

Once in the door I felt something in the pit of my stomach telling me to turn around. I did, and saw this very same women counting her change on a table trying to buy a meal. I knew what my “giving back” was that day.

I went over and apologized for my behavior a minute earlier, and asked her if I could be honored to buy her a meal. A meal I normally couldn’t have springed for, but seeing as I had a little birthday money I could. I bought the lady a simple fish filet, fries, and a drink. She thanked me profusely, and blessed me.

I knew walking out it was one of those moments I have had in my life that would teach me a greater lesson then just buying a homeless person a meal. It was looking at a person in need, soul to soul, and doing for man kind.

I went back to my dorm and told a few people what I had done. Although I do not think they got the magnitude of it for me, or the fact I would carry that simple meal with me for the rest of my life. They just got the “awe isn’t that nice” part. That was ok, I moved on with my night like a “normal” college kid on her 21st birthday would. However, I was forever changed. Forever.

My best birthday gift ever was giving it away.

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Make Dreams Reality

People often wonder why good things never happen to them. They roam the earth singing “woe is me” waiting for a hand out, or an invitation. The truth is the people they envy are the people who had the courage to dream big, trust in God, and put themselves in places/spaces that may make them uncomfortable but give them a chance.

I keep hearing in prayer “like Oprah”. While watching one of her brilliant Master Classes on OWN I realized that her lessons are life worthy to everyone on every level. Just today her Facebook status read this: “All of us need a vision for our lives, and even as we work to achieve that vision, we must surrender to the power that is greater than we know. It’s one of the defining principles of my life that I love to share: God can dream a bigger dream for you than you could ever dream for yourself.” – Oprah
–EXACTLY Oprah–EXACTLY!

Do you know how many people told Oprah she would NEVER be OPRAH? Sometimes it is the biggest nay sayers that promote motivation in the soul. Sometimes it is the people that turned your proposals down a million times that end in deep regret because you were right all along. At the end of the day Oprah is no different than any one of us. She is human. She dreamed a dream for herself and made it her reality. She trusted in God.

My experience doesn’t make me any more “special” here on earth. It just gives me a very different perspective of it then those that have never had a near-death experience. After taping the show a few months back I finally felt a sense of deep clarity. I gained that perspective and being more God centered and positive about life has filled me up. My soul has runneth over.

While carrying the words “What have you done for your fellow-man” on my back, I became a social worker and a teacher. Not for bragging rights, but for making a difference-a REAL difference in the heart of what matters-people. I am not “smarter” or “better” because I hold degrees. I am just a lover of learning, a lover of helping, and a lover of God.

The core of me always had this calling. I thought of it often but pushed it down. To big of a dream to fulfill, to afraid to fall. I have way to many people in my life that would laugh at it. I care to much of what others think. The list of self doubts go on and on.

Then I started the walk of complete faith.

If I am not willing to dream my biggest dream who will? If I am not willing to walk the walk in attempts to get there-who will get me there? Maybe all the nay sayers are 100% right but maybe along the way I am supposed to gain something major from it. Or maybe when you dare to dream your biggest dream God opens doors, and you find yourself wondering just how you got there.

I am ready to dream it. Are you?

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Seek Up: Prayer

The images of prayer always seem so man made to me. A child beside the bed with hands together, eyes closed, reciting something they memorized at bible school. The premise is sweet, but the truth is we all pray in moments we least expect.

It’s the inner-voice you often call intuition. You question something and then somehow there is an answer in your heart and mind. You wonder about someone and they call. You think about writing a painful condolence card/letter and the words just pour onto paper and read as if it is not your writing. You surrender and suddenly it turns around.

There isn’t a certain time of the day, or a particular place you need to do it. You don’t need to be in a church or beside a bed. You can be floating on top of a beautiful Aruba ocean with your eyes on the sky (one of my personal favorites), or in the midst of a bustling New York City while speed walking to the subway. You can be anywhere, doing anything, and have complete access to God. It is the beauty of His glory. He has made all things which means he is IN all things.

This is often hard to imagine when someone has really pissed you off, or you have witnessed something really ugly in the world. The thing is we are brought here to feel certain things, see certain things, and have to ability of choice. You can choose ugly, negative, evil in the world. Or you can choose light, positive, joy. People so often forget that they choose the demeanor they want to live. A huge part of being uplifted is being God centered. Being God centered is making the time for prayer.

Prayer often gets a bad rap for asking God for things. In everyone’s time in need it is the “go to” for a quick fix, and the poor man upstairs gets a bum rap when it isn’t answered. The thing is it is always answered, it just might not be the answer you want. Plus prayer isn’t about asking for things. It is about seeking clarity, a closer relationship to Him, concerns for others, and being THANKFUL.

It takes mere seconds to thank Him. Anything and everything that puts a smile to your face or lifts you up is a glorious reason. So is challenging moments when it is so easy to blame Him, or wonder where He is in your time of need. There is always a reason. Always.

Today alone I have learned a dear friend of mine is pregnant with twins (JOYOUS) while a fellow uplifting blogger is living her last days on earth. You may not think the latter is a joyous occasion too, but it is. She is finished with her journey here and going to a place that can only be described as euphoric and incredible. I am thankful to two new lives coming to this earth, and for the one that I have never met but shared such glorious, positive words to her readers.

Take time just in thought to think of what you are thankful for today. Think of those that need your prayers. Ask questions you are deeply seeking answers too. He is listening. He is there. He is everywhere.

Seek Up.

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Calling

It has been a life time that took me here. A spot I am still unsure of, a place I’m still uneasy about sharing, a space that I hold dearest.

I come to you through months of prayer. I kept seeking my “what to do” next while have long drawn conversations with God. The all loving God that once told my spirit it was “to soon to die”, and that I needed to go back to my body and “make a difference”. The lines “What have you done for man kind” ring in my ear, and I remember all that I learned that day. That day I died.

My story is a simple but complex one. One that many people find inaccurate, one I sheltered from the world for as long as I can remember. I was alone in my dying experience, and this made me disconnected in many ways to the rest of the world. Who would believe a kid anyway? It wasn’t until the past few years I found the courage to speak up after getting some unanswered questioned confirmed. Once I began speaking up, I realized what I was meant to do with this experience. It led me to a terrific show that will feature my story this Winter, and the pressing voice inside to start this blog.

I just want to thank you for visiting. You may come here out of disbelief and wanting to dismantle my story. Please realize this is my story, and my story alone. I am not preaching, or advocating how any of you should or should not practice faith. Since this is a place of peace, negative, hurtful, or harmful words will be deleted. I hope you can understand why.

May you find peace in God’s light. It is in the core of every single one of you, and takes only a moment to listen to.

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