I’m scrolling, looking at these beautiful girls, with amazing outfits, in the sun in middle of January. I post a”wish I was there” comment and revel in the fact Maggie and Jen has flat ripped abs at 42 in their bikinis. I roll over in my sweat pants that are two sizes bigger than I wish to be, my hair in a messy bun, stuck inside from the two feet of snow dropped on my front door, and I imagine what it is like to be Maggie in sun wearing that bikini with pride. I now feel less then I did moments before. Questioning the rest of my scroll through my feed, why does Lindsey always post her perfect smiling family or why didn’t Megan invite me to that night out with the girls – what have I done to upset her? Maybe I need to be a better friend.
There are fragrant bonuses to having social media at my finger tips. I am easily ble to connect with people, and see the lives they portray without picking up a phone or making plans. This is amazing for an introvert like me! However sometimes – this ability to be digitally connected 24/7 is the opposite of making someone feel not alone. If you aren’t careful it is the loneliest place to be.
Your brain feeds you the lies that you aren’t doing this thjng called life right. Why are you missing out on that all girls carribean vacation they never asked you on? Do you lack being fun anymore? Is it because you aren’t a size 2? Maybe you don’t drink alcohol like the rest or you fail at the ability to move through life with small talk? The real me shouldn’t care about the answer. These ladies in the smiling picture haven’t been my actual friends for twenty years! Yet here I am wishing I was another version of me.
The marketing tool of Fear Of Missing Out (FMO) is a real thing. Companies are depending on your to scroll and feel incompetent. There aim is to make you feel small, so that you buy the Weightloss product, you buy the bikini, you book the airline, and you go to the same exact hotel that picture held because you MUST have that same exact experience or you loose.
But… do we ever fear of missing out on the pain and the suffering of real life? The real raw life events that most do not portray in my feed on Facebook? Do you ever think about the eating disorder that got her so skinny? Or the fact fun Suzy gets invited to go out drinking with everyone is because she is hiding a horrendous addiction to alcohol?
The answer is in the perspective. How are you engaging in life and on who/what’s terms? As someone who has clinically dealt with anxiety and depression this is a slippery slope for me. I so badly want to be on a beach in the dead of winter, being at my ideal size, drinking a fruity beverage, giggling with fun girls. But the picture doesn’t feature the before and after. What it took to get there ? are they still friends a decade later? And in realty do I even want to spend five minutes with them nevermind a week away from those I truly love?
Fear of missing out is a escape route to living real life in the moment. Living your glourous life full even if it means planted in your bed being snowed in. Our lives our not meant to be linear good feels all the time-it is messy.
Messy for an important reason, that social media can’t sell you: personal growth. We all want personal growth so badly- just read ALL the amazing quotes we all post!!! Yet we don’t want to talk about the messy parts to get there. What exactly will it take for you to “own your truth” or be the best “version of you”, I can promise you, it includes a mess that won’t be posted on social media. What the general population will see is the view from the top, not the climb. And some poor soul already feeling incompetent will see your beautiful view and expect to get that over night or feel like a failure.
The real worry that should make your knees knock in tremble should be: are you missing out of the JOY of missing out. The fact you intentionally make time for people that fill your soul in real life and pass on the things that seem fun for face value. The joy of saying NO without excuses. The joy of not apologizing for the times you let others down in exchange for you to be true to yourself. The joy of knowing, that’s great for —— but for me it’s not who I am. The joy of knowing there is always more to the story and you should experience life by asking the hard questions instead of assuming you got the answers from Facebook. The joy of the mess turned to accomplishment because it is equally important.
I will gladly miss out if it doesn’t fit who I am or how I’m meant to grow. I will seek complete JOY in knowing I have honored myself. I will feel the raw pain meet the greatest of euphoria because I am busy living my true life. And when I feel the ping of “I wish” on social media, I will remind myself of JMO over FMO. I choose joy over fear.
seekingup
Seeking Up 
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