I remember the bewilderment of some of my family members and friends when I told them I was staying home to raise my kids. They couldn’t fathom why I would spend so many years collecting graduate degrees, and put it all aside to “just stay home”. I was drenched in student loans, and deferring them at the time. I remember one even stating, it was a waste for me doing “nothing”. Yet, how can taking the time to kiss my babies ever be a waste. You see, my graduate degrees never went away (or the loans), but my babies grew bigger and more unwilling to be cuddled.
I listened when they told me nobody would hire me after being seven years out of the working field. I let them second guess me, as I submerged myself in motherhood. I allowed myself to forget the woman I once was, to be completely present in all that mattered in the moment: being Mom.
It is true, I lost myself in my children during those years. I look at photos of myself, and I am completely unrecognizable to myself. However, it was worth losing, because my children were blessed with having all of me present. I was aligned with what I was assigned. I was assigned motherhood at the time.
Our society is so saturated in defining ourselves by our income, and material assets. My degrees I worked hard for, may explain parts of who I am, but they are no way near WHO I am. My paychecks may help keep us afloat, relieve financial stress, and provide things I want, it surely isn’t what makes my soul sing.
I keep hearing in this day and age of social media to “Hustle Harder”. Dare I say, it has been revealed to me in the past Summer that the truth is actually the opposite. It should be “Hustle less”. We should be less fixated on the number that will get us the bigger car or house, or the accolades that we hope to smear in the faces of the naysayers, and more on our hearts alignment. Tell me folks- how is money or accolades making you a better version of you? You may be able to afford draping yourself in prettier things, but how does it impact your heart? When you wake up to magically retire early in life, and suddenly have time, will you think “finally I have time to dig deep within”, or will you look back and think, I should have dug first, I wasted so much time? Who am I?
Just as I got lost in parenting for some time, it is easy to get lost in different areas of our lives. So many have so much to say about how, what, and why, we should live our lives, but the only correct answer is the one in your soul. Since this hefty lesson, I learned I need to align myself with the power of saying No, and the safety of boundaries. Both are a work in progress, but so freeing when I find myself executing them. As a people pleaser, they are an extremely difficult task for me to acheive. However, before life sucks me dry with the do it nows, I breathe, and listen to my highest self.
Align first. THEN hustle.
If hustling is a product of your alignment, BRAVO. If you think hustling will grant you alignment, you couldn’t have it more backwards my friend.
You will never get this moment back. Not ever.
Ask yourself: What makes me unique and special? How do I know something is worthy of my time and space? What can I do to serve the universe that fills my soul? Who can I count on the most? How can I live my best life minus of money/accolades?WHO AM I? AND WHAT DO I NEED?(NOT WANT)
If I decided tomorrow that being a barista at Starbucks at 41, is where my soul sang loudest, it is only MY business in deciding that for myself. Many would still mention my graduate degrees and “being a waste”, but the best version of me is ever-changing, as it is for you too. We are not made to stay stagnant in anything, not jobs, not spaces, not relationships, no people, NOTHING! Evolvement isn’t about money, and materials, its about soul. We are made to grow and move. Sometimes that is with others, sometimes it is not. Allowing the freedom of growth to happen in any way it is meant, is the deepest, soul filled alignment, one could ever imagine.
I have no regrets losing myself in motherhood for seven years. I have no regrets taking a job that was excited to hire me, even after being out of the field for years. I have no regrets learning a population of students I never served before because it opened unopened gifts inside me, I never knew existed. I have no regrets allowing myself time to self reflect, adjust, and let go of the people, places, and things, that no longer serve my highest good.
I have no regrets choosing my soul first.
Align first. Then hustle. The rest will fall into place.
seekingup
Seeking Up 
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