Castaway

My feet were firmly rooted in the sand of this sacred space, as it urged me to say goodbye. It brought a great amount of heartbreak for leaving, and fear on what was to come. I treasured the moments I had experienced there with God. His voice so clear, His intention so vivid, and His love so overflowing.

The stillness on these morning walks cleared the way for God and I to be one. I was a vessel of His words. Words, I certainly didn’t adore hearing throughout my time there, but knew He knew the way better than I. He was calling me in unexpected ways that I was unsure if I was strong enough to do.

This particular day, I was expecting to hear Him the loudest. I started walking the beach with “What do you have for me Lord?”, and He was silent. I thought for sure when I got to the hotel He adored speaking to me in front of the most, called the Sovereign ( I kid you not-His humor and symbolism is never-ending), I would all of a sudden get a download of Jesus. Instead, I was urged to continue walking. So I did.

On the way, I decided to pick up two beautiful shells as a token of the beauty in which this place had offered to me. I tucked them into my pocket for safe keeping.  As I continued to walk, I hear him prompt me to pick up a less attractive shell. I haven’t a clue where this is going, but hold it tight and walk. He places the worship song He has sung to me for days in my head. I hum “He’s a good, good Father”, and feel a prompt to sing it aloud. As I do, and people stare at the seemingly crazy girl singing to herself, I turn around to see I am front of the Sovereign hotel again(of course I am).

He clearly tells me to write the words He has told me daily, in the sand, “God is Love”. In the same place, in front of the same hotel. I do, and I wait. What about this ugly shell I am clutching Lord? I start to walk, and He answers.

“Pray and put all of your fears and worries into this ugly shell. Pour it all in. Leave nothing behind, and thank me for taking care of them”.

I start to cry, because when you name your fears aloud and thank the Almighty Sovereign One, you begin to realize just how broken you truly are. You also realize how desperate you are in need of Him. When I was done, He told me as an act of faith to toss it in the ocean. I did so, and thought it was a beautiful way to let go of the ugly, and that my walk was complete (or was it?).

I continued to walk, and clear as day He said, “What about the beautiful ones in your pocket? You don’t plan to only give me the ugly? Take them out. Pray and put all the things you love, and find joy into them. Pour it all in. Leave nothing behind, and thank me for them”.

Now this, this was even harder than my fear, because don’t we hold the things we love the most with all of our might? I was sobbing. I didn’t want to let go of the pretty shells, nor did I want to let go of what I love the most in life. When I was done, He told me as an act of faith to toss them in the ocean. I tossed them and cried my eyes out for the last half of mile, while declaring my love for Him.

If I have learned anything in life, it is, no matter what life gives to you, deliver it back to Jesus with gratitude. It sounds ridiculous on those terrible, horrible days that you can’t find a glimmer of hope in. However, once you do it, you realize HE IS THE HOPE. He also sees the whole picture, while you suffer in a sliver of  it. We are incapable of seeing His vastness, and grandeur of His will and love for us. We must lean into faith giving Him our all, the ugly AND the pretty. It is there, where you will be SET FREE.

I can do anything through Christ who strengthens me. He knows my heart. He made it perfect.

“Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you” 1 Peter 5:7 -As hard as it is-its the solid ground you need to stand on, even in the sinking sand. For God IS love.

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