Lately I am having unsettling sleep, vivid dreams that feel life like, and what I like to call “the nudge”. It keeps pushing me forward and not allowing me to consider what’s behind me. The nudge isn’t a pretty feeling or an easy one. It’s a purge and the part of the process that is painful before renewal.
What am I renewing? You may ask. Everything. Yet I haven’t a clue what. The part of me the world doesn’t get is this rhythm I dance with the universe. It’s an unspoken language, and a trust beyond measure. When the universe says “come this way”, I never ask why.
During this stage, my vibrancy is high, and I feel everything and anything around me. I soak it in like a sponge- the good, the bad, the ugly. I feel and process it in ways there aren’t words to describe giving it justice. All I know is it is part of this pruning, and that someday I will know why.
We recently went for a vacation to Disney for a week in the hot Summer sun. I’m not sure why I thought this was a good idea. For someone like me, crowds and stimulation aren’t good for my make up, never mind extreame heat. I noticed as the week went on I yearned for space alone – just me, the earth, and God. So one day while in Magic Kingdom I found myself eyeing a patch of grass put there as a “dog zone” on the way to the bathroom. While people were rushing to get in line for space mountain, I kicked off my sandals, stood on the grass, tapped my chest, closed my eyes, envisioned my deep roots from the souls of my feet into the ground, and thanked God for what I was thankful about this experience, all the while praying I wasn’t stepping in dog doo doo. A very eloquent spiritual moment to write about no?
My reasoning to tell you this story, being a spiritually gifted flaming Jesus lover isn’t always rainbows and sunshine, sometimes it’s feet baring to the ground in Dog doo. It’s your soul painfully crying out for you to adjust, while your human self tries to hush it. It’s friends scratching their heads watching you – wondering: “what’s wrong with her- she is different”. When you are like me, it’s not an easy, watch me ride my unicorn show- it’s a dirty, gritty, growth- that the world processes me for, in order to teach others to go through it too.
When we arrived home from Disney, I walked into our home interior newly painted after a decade. All of our belongings were packed away, and I had to unpack and rebirth the space. A clean renewal, which seemed so timely in how I have been feeling. A blank canvas, ready to be painted all over again. I decided to also create an outdoor nook on my deck to seek solace this Summer. My favorite part of the past few days home has been being in silence while re-creating my space. For now this is what I have control over, and I honor that.
Lifes landscape isn’t made to be flatland. We live on a shpere for god sake, nothing is ever linear, certainly not our lives (or at least they shouldn’t be). When we turn our higher self down, our souls purpose and longing, for man mades comforts, we become stagnant. Come close and listen carefully: NEVER BECOMR STAGNANT! No matter how painful it may be- keep moving and keep growing.
As I told someone near and dear to me today, the most beautiful parts of my life have come from moments like this.
My canvas is blank, and I’m about to create a masterpiece- even if I have one foot in dog sh*t and my hand in the sky praising the Lord- it will be the most beautiful thing I have ever created- I’m sure of it.
As sure as I am in the master who created ME. I started out a blank canvas – and He keeps creating and bathing me in vibrant colors. I am always His, and mindful that when He calls I follow.
The nudge is the tool at which the masterpiece will be created.
seekingup
Seeking Up 
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