What I know for sure now is that my life will never be the same as it once was.
I waited to write here. I wanted to make sure that my words matter when we are speaking G.O.D. I want it to be me real, and tangible. I want to share the truth-from all sides-no matter how hard it may be.
A year ago I would’ve shuttered at being called a “born again”. I would have rather been called a pleather of other unpleasant names other than that one. I had this idea, like most up in New England do, that “born again” were those extremist in the subways with signs I was going to burn in hell, or those millionaire preachers that roll in Mercedes, host tv shows, while greed and sin eat them alive. Those “crazy” southern churches. That made up religion of evangelism that only focuses on the new testament. I even, at one point, questioned it being cult like. It is completely rare in New England that these churches exist. Therefore, by being a product of the environment, anything that did not contain creaky pews, old hymns, and a priest that wasn’t able to marry, seemed completely absurd and for lack of better words-crazy.
Now. Guess what? I want to be called “born again” first and foremost. Why? because for all I have accomplished in my 37 years of life, it is by far the number one best decision I have ever made. YES it surpasses my excellent choice of a husband, and the choice of having kids, because above all-God is first.
When you die and come back to life, little to no other human beings alive on this earth get that. Imagine living so many years trying to make sense of what I experienced with no basis to what exactly I saw/felt/loved. I was alone in it. I thought it meant I was meant to be alone in it. What I always knew was a God that loved and adored me. A God that believed I was meant to do great things on this earth. A God that made me unique with a different experience to fuel me in a different way then the norm. What I didn’t know was the WHY!
I read about 50 books on near death experiences, at least a dozen psychic books, probably another dozen on miracles, and piles and piles of spiritual self-help books. However, before this year I never once opened up the most important thing that would make sense of what I experienced…. the Bible. In fact I literally would roll my eyes at those people who loved to quote scripture and say the name “Jesus” in every other sentence. Little did I know, this scripture would literally free me to never feel alone in it again. Not ever. I now have answers– my experience there, has met my life here.
Organized religion in general always made me shudder. I always thought people were in it for the wrong reasons, and quite frankly I still do. I think religion happens to be a safe place for ugly, dark souls to hide in order for them to believe they aren’t that bad if they show up to church. However, what I failed to realize is most are there for the greater good of God. That I , nor anyone else, is meant to praise by themselves every single day. That regardless of the church you choose, there is a seat for you. A place that meets you on the journey you came here from, the journey you are on. You just need to find the right place.
I RUN to church now. I am never present because I feel like I “have” to be. I am present because I “want” to be.
And that isn’t even the best part of my story. The best part is the day I gave my life to Jesus, and asked his forgiveness for the heavy baggage I have carried over the years. Heavy baggage that I would’ve told you I had forgotten, or that I paid my dues for. Guess what–for as much as my mind let it go–the heart of soul hadn’t! That day when I gave it to Him it fell off of me. Parts of who I am, and thought I always would be, GONE. Not just for the day–but forever.
In all ways, Christ has made me a better person since last May. I am a better Mom, a harder worker, a stronger person–all because I asked to have a better relationship with Him. All because I had a dear friend that cared enough to sit by me for a few years, silently guiding me in this direction.All because He cared enough to send others to confirm this change I was about to make. All because I wasn’t meant to be alone, or to walk my journey wondering why I died and came back to life.
Moving forward my writing isn’t meant to be knock on your door, Bible in your face words. It is words of my life, my truth, my Savior. The only reason I live. My first and foremost.
In 2014 I plan to write more with very careful consideration on what I put out into the world. In 2014 I plan to learn more of the why, and to make great use of it. My hope and prayer is that you will not judge me for the title in which I proudly wear now (BORN AGAIN), and take what works for you along the ride, and leave the rest for God to take care of.