Judgement

Today I rejoined a group of women I once blanketed a judgement on not only because I am human with faults, but at the time, I was weak and vulnerable. Isn’t it always the way? The moments when we are casting stones we are doing so because something is stirring inside us. I recognize now that it was not their fault for my haste, but my own haste causing the worst kind of judgement: against faith.

I rejoined my local MOPS group today. For those of you that don’t know what that means, it is Mothers Of Preschoolers, which is a Christian faith-based group all over the United States. Our local one is huge and strong. In the past I often felt lost in it, and didn’t feel like my presence there mattered much. Looking back I realize this happened at my own doing of setting myself apart.

Before coming out with my experience religion was a hard word for me to swallow. Growing up being undefined, while carrying the load of feeling my own faith’s path on my own, sort of made me jaded and set a part from many God-loving people. I didn’t want to be labeled anything. I didn’t want to be preached to, or judged by what worked for me. However, in those efforts I judged others.

Really I think it was more envy than anything. Holding a secret like you died and came back to life all of your life is sort of a hard thing to do. The ease of just defining oneself as “Catholic” or “Baptist” is automatically accepted, and the world knows how to receive you. When you go around saying your are “spiritual” you’re deemed “New Age” or a “Heathen”. What bothered me in my soul was I was all of these things. My path in faith is a little of everything with a whole lot of God. And a detailed near-death experience that some believe is true, and some discount.

A year ago I had enough of people inviting me to their church ventures. I had enough of being in a room of fellow moms that 99% went to the same church and feeling like an outcast. And then after my truth set me free thanks to the BIO channel, something happened.

To truly believe and respect people’s paths one needs to be willing to embrace it. I don’t need to buy whatever someone is trying to sell me. I am now completely confident and free in my own path. In the middle of a well intended prayer I realized I cast judgement on other people’s faith. I was not the outcast; I was the one outcasting. When really all that matters is our paths may look different but we are all lovers and believers in God. It wasn’t very Christian of me to cast stones otherwise. Every time I did I lost a piece of my own faith, as this was a less than valuable quality in someone God centered.

The lesson was learned. Going back was a different experience this time because I was open to it. I was also well received. Nobody cared I wasn’t a member in that church. All they cared about was that I was there. That we all were from all of our separate paths, to do something that God rejoices in: being together without judgement in faith.

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